Here I Go Again
May 15, 2020 – I don’t fit here. Once again, this phrase resurfaces in my life. It haunts me. It reveals one of three things: 1) It is an agreement I have made that keeps me from a deeper commitment, 2) I am wrong. Something is wrong inside of me, pride, selfishness, etc., or 3) I am right. I don’t fit, so it’s time to move along. Honestly, I want option number one to be true. I can break that agreement and go to battle. If number two is true, then I face my sin and all it means. My confidence in my discernment takes a bit of a hit. If number three, I feel like I let everyone down and I lose all momentum. Lord help me! I am weary. Why is this my story?
___________________________
Repetition is a great learning tool. It can help you memorize something for a test or a verse from the Bible. It can reinforce an idea in such a way that you not only remember it, but you begin to believe in it. That is awesome!... until it isn’t. I mean, I don’t want to daily live out the lyrics to the old Whitesnake song, staying on the same road, ending up all alone. No way!
Just as we use repetition to learn and grow, our enemy uses it to cover us with a cloud of doubt and discouragement. He finds a vulnerability and exploits it often. For me, this hits hardest in the familiar wound of rejection, feeling like I’m not a good fit, or I’m a disappointment to everyone around me. I can stand up under so many attacks of the enemy unfazed, but when his punch lands here, and I don’t see it coming, it can begin a downward spiral of isolation and depressed mood for days. I don’t like that version of myself very much.
In our own way, we all face these kinds of repeated attacks. It is a proven strategy, but not one that is indefensible. First of all, pay attention. Know your vulnerabilities and find healing for old wounds. Healer sits at the top of Jesus’ resumé. (See Luke 4:16-21) He will walk with you through memories. He redeems. He restores. He makes new. Then, secondly, guard your most vulnerable places. Just like with a physical wound, healing takes time, so we bandage them to prevent further injury and infection. Do the same spiritually. Keep up your guard and block any blows before they can connect.
Just as we use repetition to learn and grow, our enemy uses it to cover us with a cloud of doubt and discouragement. He finds a vulnerability and exploits it often. For me, this hits hardest in the familiar wound of rejection, feeling like I’m not a good fit, or I’m a disappointment to everyone around me. I can stand up under so many attacks of the enemy unfazed, but when his punch lands here, and I don’t see it coming, it can begin a downward spiral of isolation and depressed mood for days. I don’t like that version of myself very much.
In our own way, we all face these kinds of repeated attacks. It is a proven strategy, but not one that is indefensible. First of all, pay attention. Know your vulnerabilities and find healing for old wounds. Healer sits at the top of Jesus’ resumé. (See Luke 4:16-21) He will walk with you through memories. He redeems. He restores. He makes new. Then, secondly, guard your most vulnerable places. Just like with a physical wound, healing takes time, so we bandage them to prevent further injury and infection. Do the same spiritually. Keep up your guard and block any blows before they can connect.
___________________________
Whitesnake. “Here I Go Again.” Whitesnake, Geffen Records, 1987.
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